Irish We Were Good: A satirical USC vs. Notre Dame game preview

Notre Dame Preview

Notre Dame is currently favored by 11 points.

USC is playing Notre Dame in South Bend.

Those are the only things USC fans need to know.

That is all the introduction required to know how this game is going to go.

The Positives For USC

• King Kedon has recovered from his attempted beheading and has reclaimed the gridiron throne.
• Slovis actually likes throwing to his top receivers instead of a true freshman and tight ends.
• Two years ago, USC lost to Notre Dame 49-14. Nothing can be worse than the last the time the Trojans were in South Bend…right?
• Talanoa Hufanga and the dozen tackles he brings with him return to the Trojans defense this Saturday. If he gets a penalty again, at least it will be on the field.

The Negatives For USC

• Notre Dame is 1-18 against Top 5 teams. Unfortunately USC is not ranked.
• It’s an away game so whatever “Angels In The Outfield” magic the Trojans have at the Coliseum won’t be in Indiana with them.
• The Fighting Irish groundskeepers might grow out the grass to stop another 200+ rushing yards from the USC backfield.
• It’s almost impossible to catch a leprechaun, even with cardinal and GOLD.
• USC is due for at least two unsportsmanlike penalties that will kill a drive.
• The game is on NBC not FOX, so no chance of another Bush Push this season.
• Clay Helton is still head coach.

Clay Helton said that if USC can eliminate the critical errors to “watch out” over the next seven games because this team could do something really special. Unfortunately critical errors are the feature, not the bug of this Trojans football team under Helton.

The world has a better chance of curing cancer than Clay Helton coaching a mistake free game. No way it happens, especially on the road.

I don’t see how USC wins this game. The Fighting Irish almost beat Georgia. The Trojans couldn’t beat a 2-3 BYU team.

Don’t worry Trojans fans because this loss will signal the start of “we still control our destiny” season! USC technically is in the driver’s seat for a Pac-12 Championship bid. So expect Clay Helton to utter that phrase 15-20 times after Saturday evening’s loss.

Let’s just hope it will be the last day we’ll have to hear him say it.

Notre Dame 28, USC 17