Home Sweet Homecoming: A satirical USC vs. Arizona game preview

Notre Dame Recap

• The only way USC is ever going to make the College Playoff is if they change the rules from tackle to two-hand touch.
• When did the secondary become the best defense unit? Went from DB-who? to DBU.
• Speaking of who, where did the defensive line go? Guess a west coast diet of Acai Bowls and White Claws isn’t enough against the corn-fed burly boys in the Midwest.
• Carol Folt is going to have every Pac-12 ref participating in Squatober after this Saturday.
• If Carol Folt wanted to see a butt, all she had to do was look towards the USC sideline.
• It’s pretty apt that the line judge didn’t notice the USC President giving him an ocular pat-down given they weren’t paying attention to anything on Saturday.
• Does Clay Helton only makes second half adjustments to reduce the margin of defeat and secure a couple more paychecks from the Athletic Department?
• People complaining about Pac-12 referees in 2019 is the equivalent of looking up at the sun and being mad it isn’t purple.
• The beach in Waimea is gorgeous. Love is beautiful. I was at a wedding for the second half.

Final Thought

Readers may think I hate this team. I don’t. I just hate the coach.

This team plays hard and they never give up. Teams from previous years would have walked into the locker room down double digits and never came back. This team has fought back two weeks in a row. It’s unfortunate they came short, but there resilience can be taken as some sort of moral victory. With the way this season is going, that may be the only kind of wins the Trojans will have.

This team is young and full of potential. It’s hard to look ahead given the situation the Trojans are in now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just have to make sure there is a new conductor when this train gets to the other side.

Kedon Slovis, Markese Stepp, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Talanoa Hufanga, Olaijah Griffin, Isaac Taylor-Stewart, Chris Steele, Drake Jackson. This goes on and on.

They are all exciting players that I am looking forward to see play for the next couple years. I just hope to my God, your God and every other deity in the universe that USC does the right thing and gets someone qualified to coach them and not squander their top-level talent. I’ve seen too many Trojans waste their prime under inept coaches.

There’s no worse feeling than seeing a former Trojan succeed on Sunday when they spent a portion of their Saturdays sucking.