USC vs. Arizona State. A tale of
many campuses. In Tempe, the Trojans have struggled of late. In Los Angeles, the Trojans have had no problems dispatching Todd Graham’s Sun Devils.
Saturday night, they’ll look to hand Arizona State their eighth-straight loss at the Coliseum, where they are winless this millennium.
Last year, our primer for ASU featured the school’s history and detailed the rivalry between the university’s acceptance rate and the average daily temperature in Tempe.
This year, we wanted to discuss another part of ASU’s rich academic tradition: having a million satellite campuses across the state. Or as they like to call it, being “one university in many places”.
With USC down on scholarships, ASU’s 783 campus could provide the Sun Devils with an edge. So let’s get to know them. Seinfeld style.
ASU’s campuses, as Seinfeld Characters:
- The Tempe Campus is Sally Weaver. Perhaps the best logo in all of college sports is the iconic cartoon of Sparky the Sun Devil that ASU dropped from their helmets before the 2011 season. With the bulk of the undergrad students, as well as the athletic teams being in Tempe, Sparky’s quite a popular subject on campus. So it’s only fitting that Sally Weaver, portrayed by Kathy Griffin and the crazy college roommate of Susan Ross, had her last appearance on Seinfeld in “The Cartoon”. In the episode, Sally rises to fame with a viral –and predominantly vitriolic– comedy show entitled ‘Jerry is the Devil’ that sees her pantomime a devil on stage. Jerry of course is not a fan, having famously responded by saying that Sally’s career should’ve ended after “years of rejection and failure until she’s spit out the bottom of the porn industry.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
- ASU’s West Campus is J. Peterman. Nobody prides themselves in making a pair of corduroys sound elegant and majestic as J. Peterman. And nothing is seemingly more elegant than ASU’s West Campus. Solar panels. Three hundred arid acres. A large, grassy open quad. Perfect for strolling out on a tepid May day to peruse the farmer’s almanac under the svelte shade of the saguaro cactus. Truly ASU’s only “Phoenix Point of Pride”.
- ASU’s Polytechnic Campus is Kramer. Much like Cosmo’s eclectic appreciation for preparing fresh produce in the shower, ASU’s east campus features the university’s Agribusiness school in an environment where outside of Theo Epstein, no one would ever think about farming: Mesa, Arizona. Plus, the campus was practically built for the K Man. The front page of its website lauds its state-of-the-art golf simulator, making for a marine-friendly place to unload some Titleists.
- ASU Downtown is Elaine Benes. If there’s a real-life parallel to the soothing juxtaposition that was the urban sombrero, it has to be putting a piece of the nation’s most notorious party school into the random industrial locale that is downtown Phoenix. The campus has been home to ASU’s Walter Cronkite School of Journalism since 2008, as regents wisely decided to move the university’s most prestigious school several miles away from everyone else stuck in Tempe. Get out! Elaine, an admirer of the written word and a long-time publishing editor, would surely approve.
- Colleges@ASU is Elaine’s friend Carol’s baby. You gotta see the baby! And Colleges@ASU is definitely the ugly baby of the ASU system, billed as being small and affordable extension campuses. It’s not quite the Hamptons, but nothing says ASU like putting the first location in the vacation getaway that is Lake Havasu.
- ASU-Mayo Medical School Campus is Dr. Van Nostrand. Just as the
powerhouseacademic institution that is ASU has teamed up with the highly respected Mayo Clinic, Dr. Van Nostrand honed his skills for medical practice via an unorthodox educational route: Julliard.
- ASU’s Online Degree Program is Bob Sacamano. You’ve seen the ads. You’ve heard the commercials. You’ve been told how wildly popular and respected it is. Yet, just like Bob Sacamano–Kramer’s loony friend– there’s no real evidence that it even exists. Or you know, that its exaggerated claims are anywhere close to being true.
Factoids on ASU:
Full name: Arizona State UniversityFormer names: Tempe Normal School, Arizona State CollegeLocation: Tempe, AZFounded: 1885Enrollment: A LOTEndowment: $500 millionCampusus: Too many to countAcceptance Rate: 89%Average October temperature in the city of Tempe: 89 degreesSchool colors: Maroon and GoldHome stadium: Sun Devil Stadium (c. 71,706)Uniform outfitter: NikeDistance from Sun Devil Stadium to Waffle House: 5.1 milesDistance from Sun Devil Stadium to GoDaddy Headquarters: 17.4 miles
ASU alumni you probably know of:
Most famous Arizona State Sun Devil:
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
Most ‘he’s still famous?’ Arizona State Sun Devil:
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports
Most respected Arizona State Sun Devil:
Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports
Most productive Arizona State Sun Devil:
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Least productive Arizona State Sun Devil:
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
ASU’s Fight Song: “Maroon and Gold”
Fight, Devils Down The FieldFight With Your Might and Don’t Ever YieldLong May Our Colors Outshine All OthersEcho From The Buttes, Give ‘Em Hell Devils!Cheer, Cheer For A-S-UFight For The Old MaroonFor it’s Hail, Hail, The Gang’s All HereAnd It’s Onward to Victory!
- Doug Haller (@DougHaller), Arizona Republic/AZCentral.com beat writer
- John Marshall (@JMarshallAP), Associated Press reporter
- Devils in Detail (@Devils_Detail), FanSided site
- Official ASU Athletics (@TheSunDevils)
- Official ASU Football (@FootballASU)